Sitting in Panera

The purpose of this post is actually to amend my last post, "A Heavenly Father", posted a few days ago while sitting in a session of my recent training conference. After reviewing it, it seems that I didn't finish the concept that I was expounding, and it could seem from what I wrote that I would advocate some kind of "happy-go-lucky" gospel, were I to just leave the post alone. In other words, I'm afraid some would mistakely think that I believe that God is simply our ticket to happiness, and that belief in Him will solve all our problems so that our lives will no longer be hard.

The remedy to this - what I didn't explain to start with - is that, for most of the past several years, I would have simply described the Christian life as "hard". "Real". "Tough". These were the words that I would have chosen to describe the Christian life that God has *ahem* blessed us with. Though the Christian life was hard, I said, it was real, as no other kind of life is, and this is what ultimately makes it good. Think of that - when I tried to boil down the entirety of our life with Christ, the word I would have chosen, above all other possibilities, would have been 'hard' or 'real'.

This was, of course, due to my own personal experience. In following a perceived short-term calling to missionary work overseas, I first had to face the possibility of not going at all, and possibly renigging on the committment that I had made, because I had not been able to raise the necessary funds. Then, after they did come in and I had gone, I nearly died in a tragic skiing accident four months into my first year in Bosnia. The nine weeks of recovery that followed were difficult, to say the least - I had never in my life been "unhealthy", and now I suddenly had a titanium plate in my head and was dealing with terrible headaches and a severely weakened back, as well as the possibility of not being able to see again without any lingering double vision. Life in Bosnia was always filled with inconvenience, bad attitudes, and simple busy-ness that seemed to always tax whatever joy I expereinced from doing ministry.

This was what I was drawing upon, which brought me to first and foremost decribe my life with the wonderful God of the universe as "hard". But I failed to realize how incomplete that vision was. Falling in love with Ashley has made me realize that God doesn't just want us to be mature, bold, and ready for battle - He also has a deep desire for us to be fulfilled, happy, and joyful. In all of this, we must remember that there are two sides to the whole thing. God wants us to experience joy, but I don't believe we can really experience joy without being tested first. We can't realize the fulfillment that God has allowed us until He has taken us through the 'fire' and we are rendered 'mature'. The example that I point to is just the simple fact that I could never be as thankful as I am for Ashley, had God not taken me through the previous two years of life. He knows each and every one of us, so much better than the closest of friends. And He desires meet our deepest longings, and to fulfill desires that we didn't even know we had.